Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was CRYING into my vagina
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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