i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There r osticjed everywhere
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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