I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
nutella sex= disaster
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
