Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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