my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is my gift to your gina
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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