you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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