If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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