No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
