Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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