My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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