It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
