I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
