They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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