I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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