Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
