I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
