oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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