I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
