I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
