TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
