Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
