Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
