Your dad touched me again.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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