the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
