I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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