On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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