My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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