Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
