I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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