this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
