Apparently you make a good broom.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize