I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're like the curious george of whores
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
