he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
