Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
