Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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