He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
