Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
