hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize