Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
