"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
