no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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