I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
