I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
