Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize