I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
