Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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