i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
