Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
