forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
