he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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