"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
