I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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