Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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