Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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