I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so that wasnt chicken after all
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
