so that wasnt chicken after all
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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