I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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