two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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