my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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