Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
