I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
