ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
