Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
