also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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