the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize