I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
