I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
