so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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