I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
