hell yes lets make some ravioli
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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