you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
