He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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