thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
