plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
