I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
