when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
