after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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