Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
