was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
